Cycle was a bust. I wasn't terribly surprised but I was sad nonetheless. No tears though when af came. I was more happy that I ovulated then anything else. But it was still hard, during those two weeks I inveitably think of cute ways to tell our families, but this wasn't our time.
This week was my first experience of a friend telling me they were pregnant. It was over messaging, thank goodness, because I ended up starting to cry. Of course I'm happy for her and know she will make an amazing mother, but I wasn't aware they were even ready to start trying, so it just came as a shock, and frustration on my part. We've been trying for over 7 months, and I know, I know that's not long enough to be considered a veteran, but this pain and heartache is all I know. I can't fathom this for more than a year, and I'm sure the dull ache I feel will become more resonant, but for now I'm permitting myself to be upset that I still am not pregnant, and that it is just coming easier for others. I didn't dwell too much, a song lyric from an old song came into my head "smile even though you're crying" and it's helped, I was sad for the day, but I feel okay now, I'm excited to see her pregnancy and can't wait to meet her baby, and hopefully soon, I'll have my own happy news to share.
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