Mad

I'm mad that I Have to wait another 2 months before we can even start trying. I'm mad that I can't sign up for short term disability despite changing jobs. I'm mad that everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat but me. I'm mad that my body won't cooperate. I'm mad that literally everyone who I knew was trying to get pregnant is now pregnant but me. I'm mad that I can't let go and compare myself to others. I'm mad that I dont know what my husband can do to console me. I'm mad that I feel alone in this. I'm mad that I act like a brat even though I tell myself to snap out of it.

The Waiting Game

It's going to be slow over here for the next few months, since this blog is about making a baby and we aren't trying to make a baby for the next few months.  Today I start the metformin again and start charting tomorrow.  I'd rather have a few charts under my belt to confirm that I'm ovulating and get a better idea of our timing.  No opks until we start trying.  Shit is expensive, I use the smiley opks since the cheap ones stress me out more.

The current argument in our home is when to officially start trying.  I started my new job after Xmas and maternity benefits start a year after, which means the minimum I can get pregnant is march.  I want to start trying then since we most likely wont be successful, and if we were we would narrowly meet the one yr mark at birth.  Husband doesn't want to risk it and wants to wait until April. That's a whole other month which just seems so long.  April?! Sigh, I know he's right but man..April....

I do notice that while I still am wanting to try and get pregnant, it's not as desperate as it was a few months ago.  I think it's because of the new job, I feel more fulfillment and less stress, so perhaps I'm not trying to supplement or find happiness in other ways.

I know this will be good in the long run.  At least that's what I keep repeating to myself.  We will be able to save more money, maybe a few more house projects done.  This will all be worth it in the end.

2013...Here we go!

Happy New Year!

I find myself actually really excited for 2013 and pretty upbeat at the moment.  Here's hoping it lasts lol! I'm excited because I really think that 2013 will be our year, I know we won't have a baby by the end of this year but I'm super hopeful that I will be pregnant by the end of the year.  2012 was so hard emotionally and physically that I'm just ready for a bit of an easier time.

Starting next cycle ill start taking the metformin again.  I stopped right around when I found out we had to hold off for 3 months and got really disheartened, plus I hated taking four huge pills everyday that tasted like mothballs and rotten fish.  So in a few weeks bring on the rotten fish pills! I also haven't been doing my temp and charting either.  I just ended a break and regroup, but I wanted at least one cycle under my belt before we start trying so that I get in the habit.  We also decided to put off the hsg  ( that's when they run dye through your tubes to make sure there's no blockage) until march because it seems like you are most fertile and able to conceive after they "clear everything out" .

So for now I'm excited and hopeful for what this year brings.  Bring it 2013!