I failed

Of course I took a test this morning, who am I kidding?! It was negative of course.

And five hours later my period came.  Bah.

Updates

So 60 days came and went and nothing happened.  It's so unbelievably frustrating.  Having to go day in and day out with nothing happening.  No period and no positive pregnancy test.  It's hard to describe the maddening feeling when you're body isn't cooperating and you're trying to do everything right but it's not helping.

After 67 days I went to go in for an ultrasound to see what was going on.  I thought I had another cyst, but the ultrasound actually showed good news.  No cyst and I was on the cusp of ovulating or had just ovulated.  I had strict orders from the doctor to go home and have lots of sex, which I followed to a T.

At this point 14 months in, even sex has lost it's fun.  Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy it, but it can be exhausting.  My appt was now 11 days ago, and the longest luteal phase I've had with a confirmed ovulation.  This is good for two reasons, one it hopefully means that I ovulated after the appt, which made our timing excellent (and I'm pregnant) or that the b6 is working and making it so my luteal phase will support a pregnancy.

My goal is to make it to June 1st to test.  I hope I make it.

Captive

I feel like I'm on a deserted island, except instead of writing day 51 and no people in sight, it's day 51 of no period.  Seriously, day 51, or, "the time that we decided to start trying again and it was a bust but we can't try again because I'm being held captive"

I literally want to scream sometimes.  I'm 80% sure it's a cyst again.  Mother fucker, seriously?!! It hurts sometimes like a bitch on my left side, but it hasn't gone away and I'm stuck...

I keep waiting and waiting for something but bah.

And Dave tries to offer suggestions and help but he doesn't get it, which is frustrating, but sweet because he wants to help.  Ugh, lets just get this over already
 

Just Relax and It'll Happen

We're quickly coming up on a year and I'm no closer to being pregnant than this time last year.  It's disheartening and frustrating.  The hardest part is that I just feel so alone in this.  I don't have any friends who can relate, my husband is at a loss and just says things like "relax" or "don't think about it too much".  I know he's just trying to help but it just alienates me even further and withdraw him from everything even more so that he doesn't have to worry about me.

The b6 worked I think, my luteal phase has been extended by several days.  No sign of af, but my temperature plummeted which doesn't bode well.  I still took a test at the request of Dave on his birthday.  Stark white as usual.

The logical part of me understands that there's a 20% chance every month, but then sometimes I think "okay we had sex every single day, so there has to be millions of sperm up there, since they last five days, and you're telling me not one of those suckers could get into the egg, seriously? Seriously?"

So now we wait some more, and I m at a total loss.  Back to the drawing boarding I guess we will just hio until af makes her appearance.

Shit

I'm cramping.  I'm hoping that its just a phantom symptom and I'm thinking about it too much.

At this point I'm just hoping the b6 extends my cycle until Friday.  I'm 9 days post o now, just one more day, just one more day.  9 days is too short for a pregnancy to be sustainable, so I just want the b6 to make it last longer.

Bottom line, I'm bummed about the cramps but a silver lining would be if it held off until Friday

Waiting Game

So these past 2 and a half weeks we've humped like rabbits, the husband didn't seem to mind! All the while I kept peeing on opk sticks waiting for a positive. I almost ended up missing my surge, we were at my in-laws and I could only try once a day and at random hours.  I tested early in the afternoon our last day and it was negative. After we got home late that evening I tried again and it was finally positive! The following afternoon it was negative again.  Gah so much sex! There seems to be a lot of  questioning about every day versus every other day.  We did every day for about 2 and a half weeks.  Since hubby's test came back phenomenal I think we are fine.

After my positive opk I had a nice temp spike the morning after.  It's so hard not to over analyze and hope that this is it.  I keep telling Dave that I'm not super hopeful and that I can wait, but it's going to be a long week.  I keep looking at other charts that resulted in a pregnancy for some link to mine, but theyre all different.  Bottom line theres no way of knowing until you know.  sigh.

On another note, I've incorporated b6 into my meds as a hope to lengthen my luteal phase a bit.  My goal is to make it to Friday to test.  I think I can I think I can.

You down with hsg? Yeah you know me!

I had my hsg On Wednesday.  An hsg is, for those who don't know, an X-ray to determine if the Fallopian tubes are blocked.

I took the day off work, not knowing how I would feel afterwards.  Shaved all the goods including the legs which had been several weeks. As a side note, I'm not really sure how to go about talking to my new boss about my infertility issues.  Obviously I'm not laying out my life story but when I take days off for testing or if god forbid, iui or ivf, some explanation is warranted.  Today I just left it at I'm having a minor procedure done.

But back to my story.  Took the day off, had a Valium and some ibuprofen and went to the radiology clinic.  Another sidenote, omg, the Valium was wonderful, I was so relaxed and minimally stressed, loved it.  Our RE meets us there and greets us.  It's comforting knowing he recognizes us and takes the time to say hi.  He even allows Dave to come in for the procedure.

So I get gussied up n a hospital gown, hop up n the X-ray table with my naked ass for all to see and spread my legs to get this over with.  I awkwardly leave my flats on, making a mental note to next time wear socks.  With Dave looking on, my RE puts a speculum in and clicks my cervix open.  Then he takes a sponge and cleans my cervix and then wipes it down with a cotton ball.  It hurts like a bitch and I watch Dave watch me.  Then a catheter with a small balloon is put in me.  He inflates the balloon which is a lot of pressure, almost like I have to poop.  I feel my body tense out of discomfort and fear and I close my eyes and focus on the breathing. My RE makes some comment that my Fallopian tubes are beautiful, no sign of blockage and its over! It's a relief knowing theres nothing to worry about on that end.  After that I had bad cramps for like 30 minutes and was done.  Not bad.

So the plan is try for three more months and then amp it up to clomid.  The thing is I think a big part is I have a short luteal phase.  10 days or less indicates a luteal phase issue and isn't enough time for an embryo to implant.  By temping, my luteal phase is on average 9 days.  I didn't bring it up to my RE because he thinks temping is crap, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do long term.  Fr now I'm taking b6 in an attempt to lengthen my luteal phase.  Hoping this works.