I created this blog as a way to document this journey and I guess as an outlet. While my husband (Mr. Fish) is fabulous, there is only so much talk about my ovaries and TTC concerns that he will put up with. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac and doomsday person, so Mr. Fish nods his head, talks me off my ledge, all the while undoubtedly rolling his eyes behind my back. Not that I can blame him, I've convinced myself that a canker sore is actually cancer and that eventually i will have no jaw. Mr. Fish has assured me he would still love me even with no jaw.
As for this baby Fish that we're trying to make, nobody knows we're trying, with the exception of about 3 people. Certainly not our families, who would begin staring at my uterus expectantly, as if it will balloon up immediately and shoot out a baby. Not bloody likely.
At this point we are four months in. And with no baby in my uterus yet, I talk myself off the ledge that I'm barren. Yes I know it takes up to a year, and yes I know you ave to mid I just right, but that still doesn't take away the fear.
Initially when we decided to give this a try, I thought, heck we'll just do it every day and just let it happen man. The inner stoner hippie in me. But then I obsessed and researched and researched some more. So now I chart, every day, waiting for fertility friend to tell me something I don't know.
To make my irrational fears more pronounced, I have been diagnosed with Hashimotos, which is a thyroid disorder that essentially fucks up with your whole system. And as all my doctors love to point out, Hashimotos will make it harder to conceive and to carry a baby to term. But from my research, after being thoroughly freaked out by google search, its not an end all and plenty of ladies have babies, it's just a matter of regulating your hormones, which it has almost taken a whole year to do. But that's another story for another day.
So we'll see where this takes us.
