Smile even though you're crying

Cycle was a bust.  I wasn't terribly surprised but I was sad nonetheless. No tears though when af came.  I was more happy that I ovulated then anything else.  But it was still hard, during those two weeks I inveitably think of cute ways to tell our families, but this wasn't our time.

This week was my first experience of a friend telling me they were pregnant.  It was over messaging, thank goodness, because I ended up starting to cry.  Of course I'm happy for her and know she will make an amazing mother, but I wasn't aware they were even ready to start trying, so it just came as a shock, and frustration on my part.  We've been trying for over 7 months, and I know, I know that's not long enough to be considered a veteran, but this pain and heartache is all I know.  I can't fathom this for more than a year, and I'm sure the dull ache I feel will become more resonant, but for now I'm permitting myself to be upset that I still am not pregnant, and that it is just coming easier for others.  I didn't dwell too much, a song lyric from an old song came into my head "smile even though you're crying" and it's helped, I was sad for the day, but I feel okay now, I'm excited to see her pregnancy and can't wait to meet her baby, and hopefully soon, I'll have my own happy news to share.

New Cycle

Lab work got done, and the doctor said everything looked good.  He did suggest going on Metformin to help regulate my cycles.  He wants to try the metformin, and then. Add clomid in a few cycles if we arent pregnant.  After talking with the nurse about side effects and benefits I agreed to start it.  I was prescribed 2000mg a day, each pill is 500mg and apparently you work yourself up to the 2000 as the side effects can be pretty nasty.  After hearing the potential side effects, I was convinced that I'd be stuck on the toilet for three weeks with hurling everything I'd eaten for the past month (again with the over reaction).

It really ended up being no big deal.  The pill bottle smelled AWFUL though, like rotting fish, I dry heaved and then proceeded to make Dave smell it.  His gag affirmed I wasn't being a drama queen.  The pills did make me a bit queasy after I took it, but no spontaneous diarrhea thank god.

So our plan for this cycle is to bang it out every other day and see what happens.  I opted not to temp because I was stressing so much about it to the  point where I felt I was obsessing and getting upset when my body didn't do what I wanted it to.  So hopefully this will relax me a bit more and fingers crossed this is our cycle.