I'm infertile.
When I last wrote I was so excited (obsessed) with getting pregnant. I knew that it wouldn't be quick but each month I hoped that was it. And then my period was late, and I obsessively peed on sticks, and then peed some more...and nothing. Not even the faintest of lines, just glaring white space. I searched obsessively for statistics about late positives, but after being a month late and nothing, I called it. Not pregnant. And I cried, like ugly cry. I've only been doing this since April and now my body isnt even cooperating to make it possible. It is the only time I hoped my levels were off, but the bloodwork showed I was right on track.
So I waited for the required 60 days and called my ob. After reading so much about it I expected her to just give me a shot of provera and move on. But then the nurse told me that the ob recommended a reproductive endocrinologist. I was floored, "there must be some mistake", I told her "I've only been trying for a few months". The nurse said she would talk to the ob again and the ob called me after work. "you need to go to see a reproductive endo". I meekly asked if she could just give me some provera and call it a day. My ob explained that the provera only makes you bleed, but it doesn't jump start ovulation. With my voice quivering, trying not to cry I asked if that meant that I would need infertility treatment and she said yes. I thanked her and called Dave and began to sob, completely frustrated with myself and the fact that we need to get help so early on.
On good days I feel grateful that we will have the opportunity to make sure everything is good with us, instead of waiting a year only to find out we needed assistance early on. Other days I'm completely depressed that we couldnt do this on our own and need help. My mind goes to worse case scenario where we might not even be able to get pregnant without ivf if at all, despite there being no indication that that is the case.
So we wait and see, our appointment is today and I'm mostly nervous, will they reject me because of my weight, will Dave's SA be normal or will we have another obstacle, I hope it whatever is going on it will be a quick fix and we can move on.
