What's new?

So this is happening-

After 2 years, 5 iuis, 1 chemical pregnancy and 35 pounds lost, we are finally pregnant.   

I had a good feeling about this iui.  The iui was on our 9 year anniversary of being together and the test date was Dave's birthday. As we drove away from the RE's office, our wedding song came on.  We hopes that was a good sign. And sure enough a line popped up 2 weeks later! 

It seems surreal and I go from being elated to cautious to feeling like this isn't real and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I keep taking tests to reassure myself that I'm still pregnant. Dave and I talk about the baby but I think we both are not allowing ourselves to get excited until after the ultrasound to see the bean and hear the heartbeat.  The ultrasound is in 2 weeks and time is just ticking by.  I freaked myself out last week reading all about blighted ovums. Blargh!  

Overall I am feeling some pregnancy symptoms. I had nausea since 4 weeks. I'm now almost 6. After eating I dry heave or if I move around a lot. I try taking this as a good sign that the baby is strong and that this is our take home baby. Please keep your fingers crossed and think food thoughts for these next few weeks!  It can't get here soon enough 

Trash

I took out the trash today.  I went from room to room emptying the wastebaskets into the garbage bag.  As I went to each basket and emptied out it's contents, my life as an infertile tossed into the garbage.  Multiple boxes, wrappers and applicators of the progesterone, to keep my cycles longer and hopefully allow the embryo a shot at implantation.  Pill bottles and pill wrappers, both from the progesterone and from the other assorted meds- Clomid and metformin to help me ovulate, synthroid to regulate my  thyroid.  Assorted vitamin bottles for good egg quality, healthy body and hopefully healthy pregnancy.  Pregnancy tests and wrappers, because after all, isn't that what the point of this is? And lord knows, I'm incapable of waiting a full 2 weeks, although I am getting better.  Panty liners and wrappers due to the progesterone.  A nasty side effect of the progesterone is the discharge that comes with it.  It's pill remnants that flow out at the most inopportune time and makes me feel as though I have lost all control of my urinary continence.  Just piles of all my infertility requirements to get through a single cycle.  The waste I create each month, in the hopes that this will be the month that I can stop all of this and we will have succeeded. Someday. Someday I'll be able to put it all away and this will all be worth it.  It gets harder to say that phrase with each passing month, with each blank test and with each heartache of not succeeding.