Benched

As the title says, I'm benched and its nobody's fault but my own. And I'm gutted. It's day 76 of no period so my re ran some labs. And the labs were not good. Basically I'm prediabetic and can't go any further until I lose 20 pounds. And I'm so so frustrated. I've been trying to lose weight for years with little success.

So now after a year and a half of trying and a year of really trying to get pregnant, I'm benched because I'm too much of a fatty who can't lose weight. And I can't blame anyone but me.

People say that if you want something bad enough you'll change. It's not that easy. Do people really think I enjoy being a size 14 and the heaviest in photos? I don't. It's uncomfortable and embarrassing. And now I can't get pregnant until I lose 20 pounds.

I'm so upset, at myself, at the situation and just life in general. And I just want so e Ben and Jerry's.