Trash

I took out the trash today.  I went from room to room emptying the wastebaskets into the garbage bag.  As I went to each basket and emptied out it's contents, my life as an infertile tossed into the garbage.  Multiple boxes, wrappers and applicators of the progesterone, to keep my cycles longer and hopefully allow the embryo a shot at implantation.  Pill bottles and pill wrappers, both from the progesterone and from the other assorted meds- Clomid and metformin to help me ovulate, synthroid to regulate my  thyroid.  Assorted vitamin bottles for good egg quality, healthy body and hopefully healthy pregnancy.  Pregnancy tests and wrappers, because after all, isn't that what the point of this is? And lord knows, I'm incapable of waiting a full 2 weeks, although I am getting better.  Panty liners and wrappers due to the progesterone.  A nasty side effect of the progesterone is the discharge that comes with it.  It's pill remnants that flow out at the most inopportune time and makes me feel as though I have lost all control of my urinary continence.  Just piles of all my infertility requirements to get through a single cycle.  The waste I create each month, in the hopes that this will be the month that I can stop all of this and we will have succeeded. Someday. Someday I'll be able to put it all away and this will all be worth it.  It gets harder to say that phrase with each passing month, with each blank test and with each heartache of not succeeding.